She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
