guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
