im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize