dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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