he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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