i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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