She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
