Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
