I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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