you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
