We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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