he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
