Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Please, let me fuck your mom
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
