this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
