I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
