So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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