omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
