they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
