this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
