I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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