My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
