The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
