Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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