I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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