Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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