I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Randomize
