you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
