Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Drunk is not a location!
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
