Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize