why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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