recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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