I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
