Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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