We're facebook friends in real life
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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