i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
