I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
