I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
This is my life. Enjoy the view
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
