I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize