Your face is a jimmy john
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Found your dick twin last night
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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