after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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