making cat noises will not fix the situation.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
