Rock
Scissors
Fuck
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
