Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
