woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
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