you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
