WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize