there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
