I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Who put my cat in the fridge?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize