If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
