Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
