It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize