Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
