I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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