only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
