One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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