Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
