ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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