I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Oh god it's open bar.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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