i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
