omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
