hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
