the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
