She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
