Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
