shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
