i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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