My hair reeks of homosexuality.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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