just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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