Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
