So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize