it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
