Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
