Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
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