I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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