you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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