If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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