just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
