Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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