Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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