have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
