I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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