Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
