what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Holy shit dude........stairs
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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