what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
