Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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